The only thing worse than already feeling like a failure is seeing all your school mates steamrolling past you as you just try to stay alive. A friend from culinary school just got an exec. chef position in Toronto and all Im doing is working a million hours a week for $10 an hour…..where the fuck did I go wrong. More than anything lately all I want to do is go back to working at a desk 9-5 mon-fri. I bust my balls every day and feel like im still circling the drain and fighting a losing battle. It makes waking up every day a chore, it makes everything I do seem tedious and menial to me.
Is it wrong of me to think that I am better than this? That I deserve more than this semi-charmed life? Is it wrong that I want so much more out of my career?? I feel like the fact that I want to succeed and be so progressive is actually holding me back…..I just dont know what to do anymore……
Sometimes…..I feel like I am only good for helping people, then they all just piss off….like I have no real friends, they only are friendly and talk to me when they need a sounding board…..and while I don’t ever mind being there for people……maybe I need someone to be there for me……maybe once in a while I want someone to text me randomly checking on how I am doing……oh well….life goes on i guess….
I always think of Canada as the lovechild of England and France after they had a drunken one night stand and England just left it to grow up with its big brother America who was like the rebel of the family.